Leg go my Ego

This is what my ego used to look like:

She basically dictated everything about me- what I wore, where I worked, who I went to lunch with, how I spent my free time. She was always after me to WORK WORK WORK, make more money, get a better title, a nicer car. My feet hurt but she’d make me wear high heels anyway. My body hurt but I had to do that extra one legged backbend in yoga. She was a tough boss that lead me around with no appreciation for what I wanted. Over the last few years I’ve worked really hard (secretly without her knowing it) to break free from her. It took a lot of time in solitude, not having a job, not having a fancy car, not having the best phone full of text messages and not spending energy on things that I really didn’t enjoy anymore even though it was “cool” to do….

This is what my ego looks like now:

Mouse peeking out - animation

It stays where I tell it to stay- hidden. I am the boss now. It raises it’s  small rodent-like head every once in awhile- in a yoga class, with certain friends or people that I may feel insecure around. Sometimes at the most unexpected times like on a hike with a group when I feel the need to be in front and walk faster than everyone even with a sore hamstring. But now since it’s smaller and less threatening to me I can shove it back into it’s hiding place with just a simple command. A silent one of course. Somedays I do that more than others. Usually when I’m trying to do too much or have too much activity scheduled with little downtime- Egos LOVE to be busy and out and about. They love to be seen as whirlwinds of action.

Sometimes I don’t hear from it in a week. That’s when I know I’m on the right path.

We all have egos. It is how we are identified as humans. Sometimes an ego can give us the guts we need to do something or try something new. But more often than not, they are really not working in our favor. It’s their placement in our everyday lives that makes them “big” or “small”. To live with no ego is to live authentically, from one’s heart, not from one’s head. It’s making choices that feel right to you down deep in your core no matter what anyone else may think. It’s trusting yourself enough to know that you know what to do, what to eat, when to sleep and when to say no. It’s going barefoot when you want to and not wearing high heels.

Giving your ego a separate identity and a face like I did can really help you detach from it and distance yourself from it.

Who is in charge of your life? You or your ego?

images courtesy of google images


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. A Table in the Sun
    Aug 10, 2012 @ 08:23:28

    I couldn’t agree more. This week, I stepped aside from being a blog diva, and took a break. My ego needed to know that the world wouldn’t crumble if I didn’t post. Thank you for affirming my choice!


    • silverbells2012
      Aug 10, 2012 @ 09:49:55

      One of my colleagues is currently off sick with stress because of her ego, in effect. She couldn’t leave the work for someone else to do. I (amongst others perhaps?) managed to persuade her that she needed to let go and I do so hope she realises that the ‘world won’t crumble’ now she has made this step for her health.


  2. silverbells2012
    Aug 10, 2012 @ 09:46:58

    I enjoyed your post very much. I hadn’t thought about my tendency to try to live up to other people’s expectations being down to my ego, and inadvertently you’ve helped me deal with an issue in my own life: should I do what the social workers at the child contact centre think best or should I do what I think is best for my daughter? The answer is that I will use my own judgement about when contact can change.


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